Watch your step, you're in Wildcat Country! And Wildcats BITE ! ! !

 

The Wildcats' Financial Den

 

 

 

 

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Logo Discussion:

 

We are currently seeking logo sketches and drafts for The Wildcats. So far, only Will has stepped up with this sketch:

The grace of Will's design is that the "cat" itself is built primarily from chainrings, crankarms, and something else which looks like it might be an actual cat's ear glued on.

 

Other designs will be uploaded for review as soon as we recieve them. Serious Inquiries Only.

 

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The Totally Sweet Cash Flow Figures For 2006:

 

look like this:

Credit Union Savings	16,395.65
PNC Checking	9,290.34
year end total	25,685.99
(plus the floating $125 in the cash box)	25,810.99

 

and like this:

in the beginning of 2006 we had	16,606.49
we took in	25,252.73
then turned around and spent	16,048.23
so by the end of the year we had	25,810.99

 

For the really specific numbers in a riveting spreadsheet, get on this!

 

---

 

"Hey, how do I use this loud box with money inside of it?"

Download the cash register instructions here...

 

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Shaun's Financial Corner

The Regularly Scheduled Updates from The Wildcats' Financial Den

 

(archived below for reference, in chronological order)

 

(11/03/07)

 

a quick hotbox of points for your perusal, and the long-awaited introduction of The Wildcats

 

Howdy Campers! Here's another short list of important things for you to lose sleep over, raining down on you like so many pebbles of brow-furrowing concern:

- The reason it occurred to me to roll a quick doob of Financial Corner was finding myself updating my rather expansive documentation on the wiki this afternoon. So, for those of you with a hankerin' for that sort of thing, it's fresh off the barbie. I hope I satisfy your collective thirst for the nitty gritty details. I really am not sure how to make the Quickbooks section make sense, and I have yet to find the time to sit down with that software and hammer out a home-cooked "How To". Promise it's coming soon.

-  Sheeeit, that dang register sure got a minda it's own, eh? Few weeks ago, the thing just froze right up on us. The issue was that there was a smidgen of detritus covering a little sensor near the register tape rolls. The sensor is there to let you know that the register knows that you just slid a check in there so it can print something on it. Thing is, we don't ever do that. Plus, one thing we traffic heavily in is detritus, so my guess is this will happen again. Fortunately, it's an easy ailment to diagnose and treat: you'll know it's happening to you because that tiny little light-up triangle that you never noticed before on the display screen will be hovering by the word "SET". You won't be able to do anything with any of the buttons either: Don't freak out - just open up the paper roll cover on the top left of the machine and (I'm not making this up) blow around in there. Yeah, just like a Nintendo cartridge. You should observe the little triangle moving back over to "REG" (I think that's what it says). HEALED! Oh also, I realize it's not obvious how to change the register tape. There's a nice little diagram in the manual I have at home that shows you how to do this, and next week I plan on going down to the copy shop and getting a laminate to hang in the shop for you all to ignore.

- In his own special way, Will let me know at the Map Release Party last night that he thinks I'm a total slacker and don't have my sh_t together because we've never made a shop budget. I let him know that I had no idea what he was talking about. Then I went home and pondered it over the usual glass of The Glenfiddich Seven Year. What a buzzkill, eh? I mean, who in the hell wants to sit down and make a bunch of stupid budgets and plan for sh_t and then go about documenting it? And probably just turn around and do it all over again twelve months later? Well, after I'd let a dozen or so drinks sit in my belly and fired up some frozen taquitos, I gave Will a call to let him know how I was feeling. Damned if he didn't convince me of something: it might be a good idea to create a budget for the coming year. I think his thoughts extended to budgeting for each committee, that sort of thing. We can elaborate on it at the meeting, perhaps? I know this is the sort of thing you all get mad fired up about, so try to keep it calm tomorrow.

- And speaking of The "M" Word, some of you intrepid rangers have got the wild hair that you need to hang your hat at every single committee meeting. Who am I to argue? I wish I had more activities to manage in my week. As it is now though, I just end up sleeping all the damned time, and the weeks just fly by like so many grain moths. I've also got a notion that many of you don't trust the kinds of goings-on that might happen at a Financial Committee Meeting, and would thusly feel compelled to show up, should one be announced, to ensure that things were discussed in The Appropriate Manner. Just in case, of course. Not that you don't trust me. Or, I mean, the Committee. With that in mind, I'm satisfied to present you with an announcement that you've most certainly been curling your toes in your boots waiting on: we're going to have a Financial Committee Meeting next week. Right now I'm thinking it should happen Wednesday night, although I would like to catch a friend's film that evening, and so I present you with two time slots from which to chose: from 5-6:30pm, or from 9-10:30pm. The meeting will be at Nico's Recovery Room, at the corner of Pearl and Friendship in Pittsburgh's Historic Bloomfield. Future meetings can be held somewhere else, but I'm calling this one - Nico's is where POG hangs out, and I'm thinking we need some of what they got. Also, until further notice, the Financial Committee will now be known as The Wildcats. Please bring sketches for mascot ideas to the meeting. If you don't come with sketches, you're buying the pitchers of Straub.

That's all the gut-wrenchingly important stuff I can think of. I can't wait to see all of your glowing, well-rested faces tomorrow morning!

 

 

 

(8/29/07)

 

 

Just got paid gonna get me some Maker's, hella rich n' still drivin' a scraper!

 

In my homeland, in Nebraska, I am a prince by heir, and I walk the streets as royal blood. To see me donning the crown of my father's father and some other fathers before that one, you would scarcely recognize my face; my voice there carries the weight of a thousand floods, the song of the slumbering Carpathian bears. It is unto that land that the sun shineth brightest. One day I shall return to my land, to take my rightful place among the seats of the Divinely Selected Lot of Ruling Folks. But, here I am like a commoner, and I have learned to wear the t-shirt and the affect the local parlance convincingly enough to blend into the local customs...

 

And anyway, now what? Another Financial Corner, really? Friends, The Beasts have been slain, by and large... the Glory taken and held on high for all to see, and only miniscule problems plague our financial fortress now, like so many teacup yap-dogs determined to walk under our steady paths, demanding our gaze. The way things are locked down today, it's difficult to find anything to gripe about as I interface with my Google Mail account and fish for inspiration on Facebook. I know you think that I'm just all money money money, all day, cash rules everything around me and bling this and bling that and it's all about whips and chickenheads. But I'm out there politickin' on your behalf, word is bond.

 

But, will you please Hark?

 

These are dark times for those of us who have sought the knowledge of the ancients of Ackounting - if only you could see behind these eyes. Treasurers don't live that long, and often one feels useless - left in the shadows, the wallflower at the party, leftovers in the fridge that no one actually intends on eating, the Woolworth's 3-speed with the busted hub that someone saves because of it's glittery chainguard, the greywater toilet that everybody secretly thinks is gross, the box of styrofoam peanuts that encased some esoteric electronics and might be used, you know, someday, to pack Some Thing. Friends: I feel like a Sega Genesis, purchased because it was better than a Nintendo, but the games were like way expensive and it made more sense to just rent them. A couple years later and you can't even pawn the thing for more than ten bucks. Similarly, I feel as though the grande lustre of my position as Treasurer has fallen short of the grace which once fueled a nearly effortless rise above and over the crest of credibility. Like the promise of the Tucker or DeLorean, fading to a twinkle as I stand in line for the millionth time in the fascist-inspired enormously high-ceilinged lobby of the PNC downtown, in the Business Line looking like I'm set to waste some poor tellers' next fifteen minutes with a gang of Ones and Fives that smell like turpentine right alongside some thirty dollar checks dated three and a half months ago.

 

I envision a future scenario that drips with dew and smells of the first delicate blossom to push itself through the crystalline frost:

 

opening Act 1:

 

Setting: Monthly Free Ride meeting, several disheveled twenty-somethings arranged around a selection of inexpensive snack foods, including potato chips, corn chips, salsa, a gnarly can of refried beans (organic, natch) with a spoon in it, and an inexplicably high-priced bag of Oreo knockoffs bearing the likeness of an aged actor/director that none of the young men and women has ever actually seen doing anything but posing on a food label and smiling. Still, they trust this man, as his cookies fit within a tight ethical niche that they've chosen for themselves which carries the unfortunate effect of eliminating most other cookies from ever gracing their palates. Thrift store art graces the walls. Feigning a discussion, several of the members have quietly concerned themselves with sleep, thick mail order tool catalogs, and grotesquely contorted body positions that seem impossible within chairs and all but scream "I don' WANNA be LECTURED". A banner strung across the backdrop reads "The Quakers Never Dreamed It Would Come To This". A lean cat stalks under the table for scraps.

young idealistic man in glasses with stern haircut:   Grand Council, my term is up soon. Who desires to take over my position as Most Puissant Grand Sovereign Treasurer  to the Great Architect?

Free Ride Collective Council:    (crickets chirping, catalog pages turning, a snore from the next room)

young idealistic man in glasses with stern haircut:   Uh...

Free Ride Collective Council:    (some feet shuffle, chips are consumed, a bathroom break is liberally taken)

 

 

young idealistic man in glasses with stern haircut:   OK, so, maybe we could potentially think about getting a possible show of thumbs, who thinks that they would be interested in talking about being a part of a theoretical Committee to Handle Financial Affairs?

 

Round-robin style conversation commences focusing on individuals' varying levels of comfort with the definition of "would be".

 

lights fade, curtains fall

 

 

Opening

Act 2:

 

The Future of Shaun's Financial Corner

 

- end

 

 

Hell, even Kitty says that the money is just boring. I mean, for those of you who attended our workshop at the BikeBike conference, it certainly WAS NOT boring in the least, thankyouverymuch, and people extracted themselves from that inspired (nay, hallowed) classroom possessing a renewed sense of Their Place In All Of It. Which was great, because between Kitty and I we actually lied about like half the stuff people asked us. It went well, but sh_t! We really weren't prepared to answer all those questions! Like hey, you guys actually expect us to know all of this crap? Geeezuss!!! Heck, some of you wrench smokers didn't even think Kitty herself was real! And you still don't know. And neither do I. All is still well and focused.

 

I did, by some type of grace, manage to help Jessica and Diane figure out how a cash register prints things onto slips of paper yesterday over the telephone. That was a hoot. In the future, I will post the page from that book The Way Things Work that details the inner workings of the register, complete with those small cartoon mammoths turning the gears and demonstrating. This will make more sense than dialing Tech Support - that book is how I learned how to work on my truck and fix jams in photocopiers and juicers. And seriously, if you try to call me at 11pm to troubleshoot a machine that I consciously keep a calculated distance from as a matter of course and ask "so, we took it apart, now what?" I am going to start out by saying "put it back together" - a dialog which will (and did) take a sharp turn down Silly Lane in a matter of seconds. When I asked Cap'n Dan at the Register Ranch for a Register Manual, I envisioned a respected tome which would show The Way to the penitent believers long after my spirit had passed unto thine splashstone. What I got, a couple months later, was some Greek in an envelope that Stuart feigned interest in for half an afternoon and now won't talk to me about. Sorry about that. Maybe I'm not only Treasurer For Life, but also Tech Support for Eternity.  

 

I have been wearing a Kevlar vest and sandals the whole time I've been writing this - because if I can't get in the Club, then the Club in the parking lot.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Your very own New Jack Hustla,

 

$haun

 

 

ps: Oh, this is weird - yesterday I had The Machine totally lock up on me and say "Error". I was just mindin' my own, ringing up some cable housing, and then everything stopped short. Thankfully it didn't stop short to the uninspired shrill rip of that f_cking "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!" like it always does. DAMN I hate that sound. Wild button hammering and even The Key couldn't fix it. If this "Error" thing ever happens to you, turn the machine off, unplug it, go read a few articles in the new LUX magazine (which makes Pittsburgh look like Nashville trying to be the haute side of Chicago), and then go back and plug it in again. When I tried this time-honored tech support move (plan B was to smack the sh_t out of it and curse) it brought me back to the middle of the transaction I had been finessing, and all was well. I slept peacefully. Not sure how it happened. Try not to panic if you have a similar experience.

 

pps: I got way into Legends of the Fall last week. I'm not making that up either, Anthony Hopkins is just an unapologetic BADASS!!! Some movies totally scream for a sequel and you just know everyone is so wrecked from the emotional investment of the original that it'll take at least a decade to rope them all in. But I, for one, will be first in line for tickets. I would have cried if Sara hadn't been watching it with me.

 

(6/23/07)

 

 

Shaun's Financial Corner - "Even if they don't understand the flow, they understand the dough!"  

 

This last Wednesday, as I poured myself the customary tall glass of The Glenfiddich 12 Year with a splash of strawberry Faygo and sat down to write this newest wildly fermented Financial Corner, I paused to stare out the window at the pigeons that seem to pull their whole life force from the power lines in my neighborhood. I mean, I didn't really get into it, I just space out like that really easily. It was hell when I was in school, I'm the kind of kid that made it a good idea to build school buildings without windows and find reasons to nix recess (which, if anything, helps to fuel the growth of anti-authoritarian sentiments at an early age). After spacing off for probably ten minutes, I came to a stark realization:

 

I didn't really have anything to write about. After the last game of catchup, and a pleasant high tea with Kitty (where we discussed matters of international intrigue and which of the Olsen twins we thought wasn't going to rob a convenience store to pay for meth), I simply went home. Well, actually I went and watched Superman Returns with Erok at Movies in the Park, but that's another story (not HALF as good as Batman Begins, mind you). What I mean to say is that, while working with the magic Quickbooks, I wasn't writing notes to myself about all of the annoying things I was going to have to share with you all when I got done. There was just... receipts and Z reports. Thats it. And I just, you know... put them in the computer.

 

As expected, I Despaired. A lot. Maybe you don't believe me? Well, at one point, the next day to be frank, I was having a little internet online chat sesh with Erok, and I brought up my Despair in order to ask for a little man-to-man advice from a close bro. Here's a snippet of the conversation (to avoid confusion, my online internet chat screen name is "Memphi$ Bleek" and Erok's is, for some stupid reason, "erok B"):

 

Memphi$ Bleek: hay man whut up dawg

 

erok B: Hello Shaun, how are you doing?

 

Memphi$ Bleek : uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

 

 

(5/12/07)

 

 

 

 

Shaun's Financial Corner - And Though Thy Soul Sail Leagues and Leagues Beyond... Still, leagues beyond those leagues, there is more sea. Play on.

 

Man oh man, I bet y'all have just been chompin' at the bit to grab a

bulging, greasy bag of Shaun's Financial Corner and a Lucky Seven and

kick it at the Wall on a late weeknight! Yeah? YEAH? I knew y'all were

with me on this piece. Look, I'm sorry that me and The Corner haven't

been around much these days. Sometimes, you know, you're standing in

the bright sun, sweating a little and feeling the warm breeze, feet

frimly planted, wondering about your life, whether you've made the

right call, you know, being there. Should you have done something

different? Maybe it's just something about your hair, or the way you

dress, should you start painting your fingernails and get some gnarly

tattoos? I mean f *ck, what if those skater kids over there think I

look old, or worse - boring. What if I just look like some boring

poser old kid who doesn't know what's even going on? Am I really even

living in the moment anymore? Maybe I have no idea what the hell is

going on, maybe I've forgotten, but don't they know I've totally been

there? Me and Dan D'Loughy were smoking ditchweed and huffing whippits

when those kids were learning how to write cursive, damn straight,

what the f *ck do THEY know? Now you can buy your Bedtime for

Democracy t-shirt at Spencer' Gifts and goddam Hot Topic and you don't

have to earn sh *t - those days we didn't have to have a fancy DV

camcorder to go skating because we knew nobody from anywhere gave two

sh*ts about what a bunch of dreamer white kids in the suburbs of

Nebraska were even doing with themselves, let alone watch a VIDEO

about it, you know? We coulda built the dopest ramps that side of the

Missouri and nobody would have cared. Do you see what I mean? We did

it anyway! It wasn't even a question! But yeah, sometimes you're just

feeling that breeze, realizing that you are quite literally observing

the passage of time, you know, time moving forward (or like an amoeba)

(or like a writhing fire hose with holes in it) and then you're at

work on the phone with your father who's trying to tell you that

turning sixty is scarey (because you asked him, literally you asked

"is turning 60... is it scarey? Does it feel f *cked up?") and he's in

an airport in DC trying to find his new gate and you can't hear him

very well but there's this sense that this is a very important yet

intangible moment and it's on a stupid telephone but you can't hear

half of what he's saying because there's (how did you get into this

mess?) just all of this noise and he thinks he missed the flight but

he can't tell for sh*t so hold on while he asks this lady...

 

 

 

Wow, man, what happened there? Sorry about that, I kind of lost track

of what I was saying. Uh... finances. They, uh... are... well, OK,

right, it's time for an update, eh? I really do apologize for the

lapse in the important flow of information and I hope you will forgive

me that I have taken you all for granted so callously. You know I care

inside, and that I'm here for you. You all mean so much to me, my

grease-stained little snowflakes. I am but a human, and prone to

flights of whimsy. But, I digress. Right? Totally. Can I get a "f *ck

YEAH"?!?

 

OK. Let us now ride this pony:

 

• One of the first things I noticed about the transition from Cash

Logs into Registerlandia is that the Z Reports, while still all

computery, also alleviate my eyes from having to pick through the

grotesque heiroglyphics some of you relentlessly try to pass off as

handwriting. You should see this scratch I'm looking at right now - it

looks like the person literally rode their bike past the log book and

threw a pen at it. Being treasurer really doesn't have anything to do

with math, it's all about seeing things differently. Decoding, if you

will. I mean, it's funny, right? I went to art school, where you learn

how to look into the potential meanings and subtexts of visual

abstractions, like paintings, for example. Then I start working with

Free Ride, and those skills are ready to apply to you peoples'

slaphazard penmanship! But now you can rest assured that you all can

continue to pretend that you have a grasp on writing English and not

have to listen to my critiques about it. Carry on! Tally ho!

 

• I have a curious little tick in the Cash Log, a line from 3/22/07

that reads "Commission to Scott" and indicates a cash withdrawl of

$64. Was Scott even in town then? Does anyone know what that's all

about? Don't take commissions out of the cash box, friends, or else

Uncle Sam is going to disapear your friend Shaun. Then someone else is

going to have to take my job, and write these emails. And feed my cat.

 

• I wouldn't reccomend that anyone go see 28 Weeks Later. I really

liked the first one, you know? That shit was nuts, all those people

going buck wild and zombies that can run like hell? It was terrifying!

But come on, f *ck a bunch of sequels. This one was like the first one

except everyone gets slaughtered like way early, and you can't even

tell what the story line is, except that you keep thinking someone's

going to be a hero and then they just get ripped to pieces. I don't

know, it was just chaos. Actually the first fifteen minutes were

pretty well done on the sheer terror vibe... that's not really my kind

of movie, but it was a friend's birthday so I indulged and then

couldn't get my mind off of it. I should've watched that "Wind That

Shakes the Barley" instead. Oh yeah, they showed a trailer for the new

Die Hard movie. Holy sh*t! Can anyone really fathom how amazing that's

going to be? http://www.livefreeordiehard.com/ if you can't wait for a

taste...

 

• As a whole, at least on my end, the data entry from Cash Logs to Z

Reports has been pretty painless. In fact, it ha gone very, very well.

I'm going to take off my sarcasm hat for a moment and say:

a.) Thank you!

b.) Good job!

I mean, really our biggest problems have always stemmed from the

handling of cash. Now, with a computerized box that will never make a

mistake, we are truely on top of the game. Kitty is even stoked about

YouthWorks shaping up. Can you all imagine? People will be looking to

us for prim financial guidance. And we can deliver. Kitty might even

do a presentation at BikeBike, which I was originally going to do

until she reminded me that I have no idea what I'm talking about.

 

• Another thing people are doing a good job at is keeping receipts and

getting them to me (if it's an online order, then print out a receipt

and hand it to me). It's making the Quickbook thing look all sparkly

and effervescent. Really: great job y'all. How about all this

positivity, eh? Feels good, right?

 

• Oh, we're going to start the quarterly sales tax payments in July.

Remember not to think about used parts as "sales", they pay for them

with "donations"... but you still enter it as a sold Used Part in the

register. Just sayin'.

 

• And if you want to know about some down and dirty numbers, boy do I

have them (although I have rounded them down in an effort to blur the

line between fiction and reality):

this year, to date, we've made: $6100

and we've spent: $4800

so we have kept: $1300

 

Chew on that if you'd like to. I didn't make it up.

 

Thank you, thank you, for all of your well-earned time. I look forward

to seeing each and every one of you so very very soon at our nextest

meeting, this Sunday, in some tent in a park somewhere.

 

I've been typing so much today that my fingers would like a break now...

 

-shaun

 

---

 

 

 

(1/29/07)

 

Tonight, on a very special Shaun's Financial Corner - "New Register Poppin' Like Ozone!"

 

Hey there, free and accepted brothers and sisters of The Ride! You know, down here on the ranch we don't pull it out over little shit, and you know we carry more heat than a little bit. But these days we've been sweeping the cereal off the floor and really making an effort to get up in the morning and just do our sun-salutations and quit making excuses. And you know what? It shows. Nobody has more friends in their extended network than Free Ride, and nobody gets their glass filled quicker on the daily. Word is bond.

 

Anyway, I thought you'd all like to know that I strolled on down to Roth Cash Register today, and met with none other than John Roth himself. Curiously enough, John got his name that way by being the owner of the place. He even fed me some line about them being in business for 55 years or some such. I don't know if he was trying to act like he ain't wet with two pairs of clothes on, but still, I got to like the guy. I mean, he acted like he REALLY knew cash registers, and I think he did. He just had that air about him, that... vibe. The place is swank, too. I don't think it has occured to these folks to redecorate since around the time photocopiers hit the mainstream. I felt like a kid in a candy store, where all the candy tastes like wood-grained waferboard and drop-ceiling tile. They were rockin' like it was your old basement but your dad sold the ping-pong table at a yard sale because he didn't think you "really used it." I was in Heaven.

 

After tossing back a couple Imp n' Arns, we got down to business. I gave John the skinny, he gave me the options. They looked good. I tried to act like I knew what I was talking about, and he tried not to look at me like I was a chump. Really, they can do all kinds of crazy shit with cash registers these days, it's really something else! But I had to get my head out of the clouds at some point - dude had me all up in some brochures n' shit. They even had a slim little number that can interface with Quickbooks, but that jazzy interface would've cost more than the cost of the machine itself, and I know how much you guys hate serial ports. But over in one corner of the lot, my prying eyes kept slipping back to this classy boat with a lot of horsepower and a pricetag that screamed "you should consider this purchase, it might be a wise one." I needed time to breathe. So, no shit, I left and went down to the Dairy Queen and ate some fries and part of a Blizzard (I really am not making this part up), thought about it, and then high-tailed it back to Big Daddy Roth's before they closed and put down half on the register of our dreams. This is the dawn of a newish era, my people. Feel this now!

 

"Dude, what? Why did you just put a down payment on a cash register? Did you just leave it there?"

 

"Uh - yeah. Yeah, I left it there..."

 

Because, friends, the totally sweet thing about Daddy Roth's Register Haven that I DIDN'T know is that they do the programming FOR you! That's right, the machine is refurbished, ready to go and at a price you can set your eyes at... AND they do the initial programming! Who got the keys to da Jeep?!? VRROOOOOMM!

 

You know what this means? AGENDA ITEM! I'm going to need some of your input on Saturday, because I have a lot of options for buttons and I want to know what people think is important. This is potentially going to be so simple that we can have a button that says "New Tube" and you press it and it rings it up! It'll all be so simple that even if you blew half your life studying at Vassar you'll still get the hang of it like a whip. Promise. In the mean time, we're spending $500 total to get a great looking machine that offers inner bliss and financial accountability, and comes in a modern Beige with silver accents. And we also get the sweet plus of a company that totally hooks it up with the dank homegrown. I'm stoked. I want you all to get stoked too. Please be as excited as I am right now.

 

As always, it's been a pleasure. See you on the RANCH!

 

-shaun

 

ps: can somebody please email me a copy of the list of new parts we sell, the one that's barely holding on to the side of the locker at the shop? Soon? If this doesn't exist anymore, than please whoever made it originally make a copy (it can be handwritten) of that list so I can use it to figure this out... please this week before the meeting?

 

 

---

 

 

(1/11/07)

 

Shaun's Financial Corner - "Ultramagnetic Year End Review!" or "When we be up in the club, we be postin' da back..."

 

Yeah howdy Scouts! Let's hear it for the end of another blurry year of

being alive, often on bicycles, and always with incredible vigor and a

startling hunger for more of the same! Is anybody feeling this?!? Is

this next year, this so-called Two Thousand Seven, going to really be

the big one we've been on about for so long? Will this be the one to

tell the kids about, the one the Mayan calendar SHOULD have ended on,

the Year of the Awesome? It. Just. Might. Be. And hell, you know what?

Back before a lot of the other things that I did, I joined Cub Scouts

for like half a year, damn near took gold at the Pinewood Derby, and

then quit without ever really wearing the special uniform at the right

time - not even at the big meetings in the school gym (although I kept

it spotless)! C'mon, though, our Scoutmaster had us changing the oil

in his car to get the stupid "Car Mechanic" badge. What type of shit

is that? Tell me you wouldn't have just walked right on!? I had my

dignity, even then. And I'll bet I thought THAT was going to be THE

year...

 

Still, 2006 didn't really go so bad for our little warehouse corner on

the prarie. If you could see things the way I see them on this glowing

box over here, you'd nod your head and go "yeah, yeah, things are

really shaping up aren't they?" And I would give you a knowing wink in

return, for they are. But what kind of Money Handler would I be if I

didn't make y'all stress just a little? A boring one. So, I did my

level best to pick out the seeds and stems and get this little dime

bag into everyone's Inbox before The Retreat (this year's theme,

incidently, has been changed to "Run! To! The! Hills!", and I really

can't even touch on how stoked I am...) I just finished entering in

the last of this year's cash logs and receipts, and man am I feeling

it. You know at the BikePGH office these guys have got a Nintendo Wii?

I just wasted this dude from PA Cleanways in this way bloody ninja

duel game. One word: addictive! THESE people know how to spend grant

money!

 

Hark:

 

• I will be 86'ing (kitchen parlance for "taking off the menu") the

Expense Log from the white binder. I know this will upset some of us

who are prone to keeping a lot of paper around, but it has become

superfluous, and I actually am willing to bet that a lot of people

aren't even aware that it's in there. I mean, do you ever actually

look at some of the stuff in those binders? They're like a bad running

joke. Anyway, when you have an Expense, any kind of Expense, it will

ALWAYS go in the "Cash Out" line in the Daily Cash Log. Most of you

know this, so carry on. For those of you who also used the Expense Log

from time to time, it is no longer necessary. But, thanks. And, always

put the receipts in the cash box and I will take care of them. Try not

to hold onto them for months or lose them.

 

• You guys are going to love it when I get this cash register thing up

and running. It's Project Numbero One-oh on my list for Free Ride

stuff in 2007 (#2 is that sign...). This will serve two chief

purposes: 1.) everyone will be forced to interact with it when dealing

with money in any context in the shop, thereby accounting for damn

near everything and leaving a papertrail to boot, and 2.) it will

appear to the people over at BikePGH (I have to whisper cause this

place is bugged) that we are accounting for everything in as much

detail as possible. Which we will be. And I promise it will be

painless, if not in fact fun to use. For those of you who grew up in

some jacked up parallel universe where you've never had the pleasure

of slumping behind a cash register for minimum wage, I will teach you

how. You may even get your very own ID number. More details on this

after the retreat. I'm planning to spend some money to get a decent

programmable register which generates coherent receipts and maybe has

colored buttons or makes funny noises like a Speak n' Spell. I won't

buy it without clearing it with everyone first, I promise.

 

• Kitty asked me to make clear three points for everyone. She is also

now on the Shaun's Financial Corner subscription list, because I guess

Scott told her it was funny or something. I suppose Scott thinks I'm a

clown, here to entertain you all, that I don't feel pain. Still, I'm

flattered. At the upcoming recyla-bike conference, I'm toying with the

idea of doing a workshop on "how to obfuscate your utter confusion

about financial matters with sarcasm and off-topic stories in rambling

emails". Any input welcome. Kitty's points are as follows:

 

a.) she wants everyone to understand that we are tightening all of our

finances because we are riding BikePGH's 501(c)(3), which specifically

provides us with the ability to solicit funds (how we got those sweet

sweet grants) AND how we can get away with paying people to do things.

If our finances were all slaw, then BikePGH would have to bear the

weight. And besides, they've got advocating to do, the good fight to

fight. We don't want them losing sleep over us. And they'll get

audited as a matter of course at the end of 2007, so we want to be in

top form this year. The best ever. Big kids, all grown up. Oh yeah,

and an auditor is going to want ot see the cash logs, too, so write

clearly and try not to spill anything on them.

 

b.) she wants to be sure that we offer tax-deductible receipts for ANY

kind of donations. People won't always want one, but we should offer.

Usually we do this just for people who roll in donated bikes. It could

go farther...

 

c.) we're going to have to pay sales tax this year (quarterly, even!)

on all sales of new parts, so it's especially important not to f*ck up

the "New Part Sold" line on the Cash Log. When the register is in

effect, things might change, but for now stay on top of it. We won't

have to figure the tax in for each sale, we'll just subtract the 7%

from our earnings after the fact. That's the easiest way, anyhow. I

guess prices on things might go up a buck or two, but really that's

Erok's thing I suppose. I'm not going to tell him how to do his job,

unless he needs me to.

 

I guess that's it good friends! I am sincerely looking forward to the

Big Retreat. I'm sure the Big Idea is sincerely looking forward to it

being in the past! We should write them a nice thank you note. In

advance. I mean hell, we're some high maintenence folks, you know?

That bookstore is a bunch of angels. Even Johnny!

 

Sleep well.

 

-shaun

 

---

 

(10/24/06)

Shaun's Financial Corner - Halloween Special: "Take Off That Mask And Log Those Transactions Cowboy! At the RANCH! HOLLA ! ! !"

 

(Editor - I wrote most of this last week, and actually just finished

the books today... hence the outdated and crass reference to nice

weather... my apologies.)

 

Hey all! Hot damn it's been awhile since the last fiery installment of

"Shaun's Financial Corner", your favorite weekly opinion column

dissecting all things "scrilla". This fine Thursday (and it is DAMN

fine, probably the last of it this year) finds me down at the BikePGH!

office passing the dutch with Scott and David and:

 

• trying to decipher everybody's #@$%&*ing handwriting. Jesus Christ,

people, try not to use the Log as a testing ground for hieroglyphics

that you make up on the fly! I know that in the carnival of open shop

it's tempting to play games with the Cash Logs, but in the cold light

of morning I can't read a significant portion of what's being laid

down. Of course you all know I use this "updates" thing as a thin veil

for purging myself of pent up sarcasm, and you're probably thinking

"well, I'M sure writing clearly, it's probably everybody ELSE he's on

about", but check yourself, Money. It might be you... all I'm saying

is it slows my roll, sometimes a lot, and I wouldn't bother mentioning

it except that it's getting really obnoxious. So try to put those

lines through the "S" on the "$", write clearly, that sort of thing.

Also, don't use the columns adjacent to the ones you need to write

cryptic notes or do math. It leaves me guessing, and if I guess wrong

it's not THAT big of a deal... until that kind of stuff ads up. Which

it will.

 

• As I've threatened before, I may come up with a slightly different

Cash Log this winter, one which looks a lot more like the software I

use to ease in the logging for me. I promise you won't feel a thing,

and will even learn to love the new Logs and, in time, love me. Mostly

I think it's confusing to people that I don't really need the "totals"

columns, etc, but I'm not going to move on this until I have more

time, but for now -

 

• - the MOST important thing in the columns is the amount taken in. So

if it's "pedals - $10" than the best thing to do is write "$10" in the

appropriate column (in this case "used part") and then move on. If

you're the greeter and it's easier for your daily tabulations to then

move it to the "total" column, that's OK. What I don't really need to

know is what the part is, so if you find you're running out of space

just put the # of $ and move on.

 

• According to Kitty this "auditing" thing isn't so much an audit as a

review, and that it's happening because BikePGH is turning 5 years old

(yeah!). It's an IRS/501(c)(3) thang. Some of you may know this, but

at any rate there's no need to panic yet. I don't anticipate that

we'll find out anything is missing. What I do anticipate is a vast

discrepancy stemming from a poor lack of attention to logging every

minute detail of our financial transactions on the ground level (ie:

daily shop operations). We'll see.

 

• And, for those of you who are being paid for work of any sort, I

have these harmless thigns called W9's for you to fill out. Don't

worry, I couldn't give a shit if you pay taxes on the money we give

you - and actually you aren't even expected to unless you make over

$500 (although I should verify that). These forms are for FR's books,

for our own safety. Spend some time with the fine details (man, these

guys at the Revenue place sure pen some damn captivating prose):

http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/fw9.pdf

I'll be getting y'all to sign them in blood sometime between now and

New Years, but probably closer to "now".

 

That's all I can think of folks! Hope everyone can look through the

veil of sarcasm and know that I love each and every one of you, all of

my little snowflakes, so perfect you all are to me.

 

SEE YA AT THE RANCH! H O L L A ! ! !

 

---

 

(8/8/06)

$haun's Financial Corner: * Special Easter Edition * "HE I$ RI$EN!!!"

 

Friends! Spring is in the air! Or whatever! I, for one, am watching the thing that we think is a watermelon vine in our backyard, hopeing that it doesn't turn out to be carnivorous (but watering from a distance to be safe). As has been the unfortunate case most of the year, I am missing meetings because of my work schedule and am generally not able to get out of that time slot. Below are some points/responses based on the notes.

 

"TREASURY:

So a "bit" of money was found in our safe that we had forgotten to

deposit. This made us think about our money logs and if they match

up with what gets deposit in the bank/credit union. Stuart is going

to talk to Shaun about this issue."

 

So, I discussed this with Stuart this weekend. Mainly, This issue can be solved not by creating new protocol and paperwork, but by people sticking to the original protocol and being consistant. To be clear: all information on the Cash Logs and every transaction that I have record of goes into out QuickBooks database. If it gets written down, I transfer that info into a computer, and Kitty doublechecks everything. Problems arise when people either don't log expenses, don't log purchases, don't count down the change envelope at the end of the night, leave money scattered between the envelope, cashbox, and greeter belt, take money home by accident, do something without making a note of it, etc. I can only expect that people are doing their best to keep track of these things, but we're all human here so I try not to bring it up and make an issue about it every single time someone goofs. We all fuck things up and you guys don't want to here me whine. So why don't I recount everything before it goes in the bank? Quite frankly: I trust each and every one in the collective to not steal, lose, or misplace money, based on simple guidelines but also on our friendships. Also, I am a fan of the process wherein the Greeter is essentially the daily accountant, because I am (quite clearly) not there every day to handle details right when they arise. Unfortunatly I can't tell that the Greeter position is always taken seriously, and I offer that perhaps a more appropriate goal is to make sure that the greeter completes the daily finances in a way that keeps everything accounted for, and also makes it easier for me to look at totals if I need to. "Accounted for", in any case, can mean something simple, like a phonecall when something out of the ordinary happens, an email if you think of it after the fact, or a note slipped in the cash box telling me what happened. Then, I am aware and can handle it. In the case mentioned above, the misplaced income was stowed away because it was overflowing the cashbox, which makes sense. Thus it was put in the safe, which should only be used for this purpose (the cash box was originally created to facilitate ease in money collection for more people, since so far as I know only two people can even open the safe). Things went wrong when nobody communicated to me that this had happened, and I operated on the continued assumption that all income was residing in the cashbox only. When out of the ordinary things happen, particularly when they happen to stacks of cash that need to be dealt with, I'm very easy to find:

home: 412-621-6381

work: 412-456-2962 or 412-325-7723

email: nutmegb@whoever.com

Possibly we should re-outline the Greeter resposibilities to reflect this in written form, so that on each open shop day the different staffer in charge handles money in the same way? Or we can agree on a few key points that most of us are already aware need to be done, then just make sure we do them? I'm not sure what people were thinking the solution to this would be so let me know what ideas you all have.

 

A couple of other points:

 

• I will take measurements to redo the toolbox labels in vinyl (much like the front door). I won't get this done until probably when I get back into town in Sept, but that gives folks time to think: What else do we want nice, clearly written labels for? How about the file cabinets with parts in them? A price list on the cabinet?

 

• I am perplexed about how and where to create a new luggage rack for the space. Maybe it seems like not a big deal, but I think it's important because it decreases clutter (which we are really good at generating). Any suggestions? We lack wall space, perhaps whatever kind of gate we get to go across the shop front can incorporate hooks?

 

• I will be out of town for two weeks, starting Sat. Aug 19 and ending Sat or Sun, Aug 2 or 3 (not sure which). I will make necessary deposits before I leave, but anything that might need to happen while I'm gone will have to either wait until I get back or be handled by someone else. Anyone can make deposits into our checking account, if that needs to happen I can give the account number.

 

• I am unclear on our new rent situation. We are paid through August on our original rate, so I assume my next payment will be the balance for August and then some - are we waiting for the lease, I assume? So it's not likely to just be the original rate we were quoted last year? I won't write a check until I know.

 

All for now. Sorry I'm going to miss that Bikebike meeting, I'd like to be on board for that.

 

-shaun

 

---

(6/15/06)

 

Shaun's Fincancial Corner: the "hey, when's BikeFest?" issue

 

Hey everyone! I'm actually around the shop nowadays, weird, huh? I thought it might be time for a brief installment of your favorite mass-email financial update. Really, I just want to let everyone know that I actually DO things besides show up at the shop once a month.

 

Yesterday I spent the evening catching up our cash logs and reciepts at the BikePGH office, and learning a new program called QuickBooks. QBooks is like Excel except annoying and many times more complicated, but the point of all the time spent is that Kitty has set it up for ease in understanding how we deal with our money for whomever audits us. I guess these people speak their own language, and it looks like Quickbooks. It's kind of neat, really, but I had our Excel stuff all color-coded and nice... Anyway, we're that much closer to not looking like a bunch of grubby kids in a warehouse, at least on paper. At the BikeBike next year I would like to propose heading up a workshop where I can talk about how to nod and act like you understand when someone explains accounting to you.

 

Two main points came up that I'd like to share that occured to me last night:

 

1.) We are missing January thru March of 2006 in our Cash Daily Logs. Anyone have any ideas where they went? I will have another look myself, but keep your eyes peeled. Not too good if they just walked off.

 

2.) For the most part, I can read what people write in the Logs... but some folks act like they're writing in their diary and I have a hard time figuring out what's going on. Write clearly! Based on the new model for entering info, where it isn't really important to know exactly what was the item sold, I may develop a new cash log that will be a bit simpler and hopefully not be so different that it's annoying to everyone. When I do this I'll bring some examples to a meeting and you all can tell me how much you don't like them... and it will, like all things, happen post-Bikefest.

 

See ya round,

 

-shaun

 

 

---

 

(3/30/06)

Shaun's Financial Corner - it's $pring y'all!

 

Hello everyone, and welcome to another enlightening installment of SHAUN'S FINANCIAL CORNER!

It's been awhile since I sent out a blast of mouth-watering information about our cash flow, but not because there's nothing to talk about. Spring is coming up, and that's when money starts falling from the sky and into our shop, so (especially since I have to keep missing meetings because of working Saturdays) here's a brief update on things to think about as we start getting busier:

 

• How Short Our Memories Are: Please, as I stated last fall, no personal checks under $30 (thirty dollars). Why? Because the fees for bouncing checks makes anything under $30 (that's thirty dollars) not worth it to deal with. Not to mention it's a PAIN in my ASS to go to the bank with a check that's already old and sit around in the lobby on my lunch break waiting to talk to some sleazy banker about what I have to do to secure twenty bucks from someone who doesn't even have it. I know some "customers" will grouse that they didn't bring enough cash, and when that happens do one of two things - 1.) use your descretion. If the person is a friend, or a reasonable adult, then maybe you can make an exception. Our young friend Jason's mom came in last month, for example, and wrote us a $25 check. It is probably a good bet that Jason's mom has $25 in the bank. But if you don't know the person, or it's their first time in the shop, or they appear stoney, then 2.) just tell them to go to an ATM and give them you're "I'm sorry but the Treasurer sez" schpiel.

 

• God D___ It Stop Taking Cash Home With You: I know, it all comes out in the wash, but can we stop doing this? As I'll explain in a minute, the restructuring of our finances also means that I will be detailing things on a month-to-month basis, so if I enter in that we have $___ in the safe at the end of March and then two weeks later someone rolls in like "sorry brah, I've had this hundred and one bucks in my sock drawer from that frame I sold in January" then it kind of negates my efforts. I know, I know, I'm exagerating a bit and we're all friends here - it isn't that I don't trust that the money will eventually make it into the safe... it's just that, really, there are now two places in the shop to desposit the stuff, so just log it when you get it and put it where it needs to go. Once it's in those places, then it's MY problem and if it gets fuct up you can all roll your eyes at me and make snide comments at meetings.

 

• Spreadsheets For The Revolution: You all know this, but our books are now logged on a glowing box in the BikePGH office, and it's all nice and color-coded and, frankly, slick. Even though I still can't figure out why Free Ride spent $18 at Kennywood in 2004, most everything that we have record of is now set up and easy to update, and Kitty (the tireless accountant) can sleep at night. I will be meeting with her in a week or so to go over some things about the monthly updates (for example, keeping a count of the safe and monitoring the balance on the cashbox at the end of each month) but I don' anticipate any future structural changes. Also, I will not be going out of the country late this summer as expected, but I will be gone for a bit in June and (I assume) Andaloo will be my fallback for a couple of weeks. In the event that I'm not treasurer anymore (b/c I know so many of you are chomping at the bit to get my job), things will be cut & dry for someone else to take over. For now, though, things are greased up and ready for our summer fortunes.

 

• Fixie Surcharge: As discussed in the last meeting, we will be implementing a $100 "fixie tax", or surcharge, starting in May. This applies to anyone who comes to the shop, picks out a perfectly good road frame, and the proceeds to strip it down and turn it into another f_cking fixed gear. An example conversation might go as follows:

customer: "What about this Trek over here?"

you: "We could probably give you that for about $75"

customer: "Cool, cool. Yeah, so, I was thinking about stripping it down and turning it into a fixed gear, do you think-"

you: "-uh yeah, I meant $175. Sorry, brah."

(sorry, couldn't resist this one)

 

• Despite My Whinning, Everyone Is Helping Out Greatly: For the most part, THANK YOU everyone for listening and helping to streamline everything a lot over the last couple of months. I really don't imagine that a lot of shops handle their money as cleanly as we do, but it's a group effort and 99% of the time people are awesome at logging and depositing the money we're making. Keep up with the receipts as well, putting them in the cashbox or giving them to me if I'm around works just fine. If we can keep up this kind of organization through the summer craziness, we may in fact smash the state.

 

Thanks for listening!

 

- Shaun "Just Make it Payable to 'Shaun Slifer'" Slifer

 

oh man i guess i missed this whole fixed gear

surcharge thing. someone should explain to me why

we're thinking about penalizing people for

participating in a fad that gets more people on bikes.

is there a $80 "single speed" surcharge? please mail

me off list someone, i'm sure there's a well thought

out reason behind this.

 

- rob "i don't really like riding fixed gears but am

still seen as a representitive of their culture" w.